Something;

Inside me is shouting,
some instinct telling me to run,
run fast before everything falls apart,
like an old dust rag.

I don't know why I believed I could actually find happiness and hold onto it.
No one will let that happen,
will they?

I should have known I couldn't  escape their ghosts.
They followed me here and waited for the perfect moment to jump out and say boo.

"God" must be punishing me after all.
I truly was beginning to believe mom's theories about love and "God" being one and the same.

I truly thought the love Rebecca and I share was blessed by something indescribable,
that it would forgive the physical part to come because the rest was pure.

Maybe my old church was right.
Maybe I'm selfish.
Maybe I'm evil.
Maybe I'm damned.

I feel like I'm on a tightrope,
barely balancing.
I know it's a long way down and I'm afraid I'm destined to crash.